Death Munchers
by claraoswalds
Summary: Harry comes home after capturing a group of Death Eaters. But Albus is curious about the name and, when not even Aunt Hermione can provide an explanation, the kids decide that 'Death Eaters' isn't a suitable name.


Disclaimer: None of the people you see below belong to me

**Disclaimer: None of the people you see below belong to me. They are all owned by JK Rowling.**

"Daddy!" Seven-year-old Albus Potter jumped in his father's arms eagerly as Harry Potter entered the humble Potter household.

"Hey there, Al," greeted Harry, loosening his grip to include little Lily Luna and an-almost-nine-year-old James who was attempting to be 'too cool' for hugs with Daddy, but not quite succeeding. Chuckling, Harry released his children, ruffled their hair and walked over to kiss Ginny.

"Ew!" James gagged as his parents parted, both smiling amusedly. Giggling, Lily approached her father, tugging on his pants leg.

"Daddy, I lost a tooth today!" She proudly produced the tissue Ginny had wrapped her tooth in.

"Did you? That's great! You going to put it under your pillow?" Harry asked, bending down to his daughter's eye level.

"Why?" James snorted. "The Tooth Fairy doesn't exist!"

"Then who gave you that broom maintenance kit last year when you lost your front tooth?" Al challenged. James rolled his eyes.

"Mum and Dad, duh!" Lily glared at her oldest brother.

"Nuh-uh!" She shot back, red hair swinging as Harry and Ginny chuckled. "It was the Tooth Fairy!"

"Was not!" James fired.

"Was too!" Lily declared.

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was—"

"Okay, kids, I think that's enough!" Ginny broke in before the classic 'Was not!' came out of James's mouth. She sighed fondly and turned to Harry.

"Dinner will be ready soon. How was work?" She asked, turning back to her soup.

"Great," answered Harry, pulling off his jacket as James and Lily settled for simply glaring at each other. Al was listening to his father curiously. "We caught a group of rogue Death Eaters—Travers and Rookwood among them." Ginny's expression darkened.

"The one who blew up the wall and killed Fred," muttered Ginny. Harry nodded gravely, but was distracted from replying by Al's inquisitive voice.

"What's a Death Eater, Daddy?" He asked, intrigued. Harry ran a hand through his hair, which Al had inherited, right down to the last tangle.

"Death Eaters are very, very bad people, Al," said Harry finally as James and Lily turned to their father. "Death Eaters like to kill people, just because they think they're better. They caused a lot of problems for me, your mum, and all your aunts and uncles during my schooldays."

"Why do they call them Death Eaters?" Lily piped up. Harry opened his mouth, and then closed it, and then repeated the action. Ginny stifled a giggle.

"I'm not sure, Lils. They just—they like causing death." Harry explained feebly. Al's brow furrowed.

"But do they eat it? How do you eat death? Does it taste good? Have you asked them?" Harry blinked at his son.

"Er, no, I haven't asked them—I don't think you can eat death, Al."

"But then why do they say they can?" James probed.

"I don't know, James," said Harry. "They're just…weird, I guess." Ginny snorted, but the children took no notice. Lily's face lit up.

"Oh, I know! We can ask Aunt Hermione! She'll know! She always knows!" And before Harry could get a word in edgewise, his three kids were racing off to the fireplace.

"Your children, Harry," said Ginny fondly. Harry glared at her.

"My children, are they?" He muttered as he took off after his children. The flames were already burning green.

"Kids!" He called, but they paid him no avail as James called out "Whiz-Bang Cottage!", a name Hermione passionately disapproved, but didn't really have the power to change, as Ron had bought the place before she had moved in.

"Good heavens," sighed Harry as he jumped after his kids and into the living room of Whiz-Bang Cottage.

"Harry? Mate, why are your kids asking for Hermione?" Ron asked, a piece of raspberry pie in his hands. Harry rubbed a hand over his face.

"They—they want to ask her a question." He answered as his little demons began spreading out throughout the house. Al had apparently filled Rose and Hugo in and now the two Weasleys were calling their mum too.

"And that warrants Flooing over en masse and disrupting snack time?" Ron asked incredulously. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Wouldn't it be easier just to tell us when it _isn't_ snack time?" Harry wondered out loud. Ron glared, but at the same time lifted a forkful of pie to his mouth.

"Anyways," continued Harry, "they wanted to ask her why Death Eaters are called Death Eaters." Ron turned away at the last moment to spit his mouthful onto the coffee table.

"What? Harry, how have you been raising these kids?" He demanded. Harry held up his hands innocently as a highly confused Hermione was dragged into the room.

"It's not my fault! They ran off before I could even say anything!" Harry said defensively as Lily began explaining their question. Hermione's eyes sought Harry's. He shrugged helplessly and she grimaced at him.

"Kids, listen—Death Eaters are, quite possibly, insane. It hasn't been proven but I'm pretty sure they are. So trying to figure out why they call themselves Death Eaters is a lost cause, I'm afraid," said Hermione diplomatically. Harry sighed thankfully. Trust Hermione to get their kids under control.

"But if they don't eat death, what to do they do with it?" Hugo asked.

"They cause it," muttered Ron darkly, but luckily, none of the kids heard.

"I don't know, Hugo," answered Hermione.

"Well they must do _something_ with it!" Rose pressed.

"How about munch it?" James suggested.

"That's almost the same thing as eating it, silly!" Lily said.

"I think Death Munchers sounds better than Death Eaters," said Al.

"Is he serious?" Ron gaped. This, James heard.

"No, I am!" He said brightly. Ron groaned, shooting Harry a This-Is-All-Your-Fault Look. Which it kind of was, reflected Harry.

"Actually, Sirius is dead," corrected Rose mildly. "But they should be called Death Munchers, right Mum?"

"Er—right, Rosie. Sure. Why don't you kids go play out in the backyard, okay?" Hermione's suggestion was met with cheers and loud footsteps as the five kids ran off to the backyard. Harry sunk down onto a chair.

"Death Munchers—Death Munchers!" He repeated disbelievingly.

"You know this is going to spread all around the family, right?" Ron asked as he placed his now-empty plate in the sink.

"Yep. George will love it," said Hermione. Harry's head dropped into his hands.

"Death Munchers…." He said again, for good measure, before looking towards his best friends.

Hermione giggled. Ron chortled. And Harry burst out laughing.

**Author's Notes: Okay, another silly little one-shot. I really liked this one, I can just picture all of the Trio's kids being too curious for their own good, just like their parents. Please review, and also, please check out my other fics—I have three one-shots and a chapter story as well! Tell me what you think of my work!**


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